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Happily Married Couples Exhibit Best Friend Behavior

I almost dismissed this article outright when first I saw the title because I thought it was going to be overly-simplistic.

👉 The #1 Thing All Happily Married Couples Have in Common

But it’s a good article and hella inspiring! It talks about positivity bias, productive fighting, and the benefits of being married to your best friend:

  • Nobody cares who makes the money
  • Vacations are easy to agree on
  • Chores are divided evenly
  • You have incredible sex
  • You feel understood
  • You fight productively

A friend is someone who knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow

⚠️ Just be sure to contrast this with What You Lose When You Gain a Spouse. 🤷🏻‍♂️

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Why You Need Low-Stakes, Casual Friendships

I used to think of casual friendships as sort of calculating and shallow. Especially way back in high school, it seemed like having lots of friendships was a way to “collect” friends and just try to look cool. So I revolted and embraced only a few close, genuine friends. In fact, I still play video games every weekend with my elementary school friends from 40 years ago. And of course I’m so glad to have them.

But now after a few life adjustments, I’m finally learning that, as with self-confidence, I had things backwards. It’s okay and not shallow to make friends with random people (“neighbors, a barista at the neighborhood coffee shop or fellow members in a spin class”)! It’s fun, and people like it. 🤷🏻‍♂️ (What was I thinking?)

These two article are a good reminder that it’s good to just be a silly occasional friend with people.

“Take a ton of pictures, text your friends stupid things, check in with old friends as often as possible, express admiration to co-workers, and every day, tell as many people as you can that you love them.”

By the way… It’s not always easy doing this as a single, middle-aged guy. But it can be done. Women in particular may think you’re trying to pick them up. And maybe you are. It gets ambiguous. But that can be part of the fun. 😆

A 2014 study found that the more weak ties a person has (neighbors, a barista at the neighborhood coffee shop or fellow members in a spin class), the happier they feel.

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Casual Pros and Cons

I came across two articles on casual dating lately. One talks about the inherent frustration of casual dating. The other talks about the rules for doing it right. The former is meaningful and long, and the later is quick and right to the point. So I guess that’s fitting. 😂

👉 ‘I Can’t Do Casual’

Interesting letter to oneself about knowing what you want and saying it.

👉 The 5 Rules Of Casual Dating

I think these are true of basically any relationship. 🤷🏻‍♂️

  1. Be communicative about your deal breakers.
  2. Be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable.
  3. Define the relationship.
  4. Show up.
  5. Be respectful.
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“What I’ve Learned from Surrounding Myself with Confident People”

Back in the day, I used to think that confidence was about putting on a show for people or just thinking you’re better than other people. I kind of hated the idea of “confidence” because I though it was an act — fake and self-serving. In retrospect, I think I was confusing confidence with over-confidence or arrogance.

I finally understand now that true confidence (and leadership) is about being yourself, having a vision, and lifting other people up with you. I keep running into articles on this topic, and this is one of my favs.

👉 What I’ve Learned from Surrounding Myself with Confident People

I actually had trouble with this idea for a long time: being confident doesn’t make you an asshole. In fact, just the opposite is true. It makes the people around you feel valued and comfortable.

Highlights

Confident people are flexible and humble.

What separates the truly confident from the overconfident is their ability to seek out advice from people with varying points of view.

They are curious.

Confident people don’t need to control a conversation. They know their own agenda; they want to learn about yours.

They’re not in it for approval.

The truly confident, as Kareem Abdul Jabbar once put it, just want “to play the game well and go home.”

They are generous.

Confident people take real pleasure in seeing other people succeed and recognize the importance of supporting others.